I am one of those people who (stupidly) wants to have it all. I want to be the best mum and wife who is fun, attentive and loving to my family; prepares the best dinners and lunches in the world; bakes delicious treats and maintains a clean, beautiful, organised home.
I want to be an amazing friend and family member, who remembers birthdays, returns calls and texts promptly, throws great dinner parties and afternoon teas and can be relied on as a sure thing for a good chat and a fun time.
I also need to make time for myself by exercising, making time for reflection, eating well, washing my hair more than once a week – you know, the usual stuff. I also want to dedicate more time to my blog and my creative writing so that I can further develop and improve my craft. And on top of all that, from time to time, I still want to have some wild and crazy.
I run my own marketing business from home and I strive to be organised, efficient, dedicated and to exceed my clients’ expectations. I love what I do and I feel blessed that I have been able to make this work, especially after taking an 18 month break after I had Chloe.
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| If only I really was Super Girl! |
I did think that starting my own business and working from home would mean I would have the flexibility and the time to achieve all these things and more. (Ha!) But in reality, there is simply not enough time to do all of this let alone do it consistently well. Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder that by wanting all these things, have I set myself up for failure? Instead of climbing up the ladder and sliding down that lovely, predictable slide and then running around to the ladder again for more of the same, I am instead on a crazy see-saw that not only goes up and down, but spins round and round and one minute I am right side up and the next minute I am upside down. (Let me just make a point here, this is not the ‘wild and crazy’ that I am actually looking for)
By nature I am a control freak and I run my household (notice the word my) like a business. There are to-do lists, check-lists, budgets, shopping lists and weekly lunch and dinner menus (which I must say make shopping a whole lot easier). But even with these great systems in place, things don’t always come together and I sometimes find myself in a state of overwhelm where I am stuck on that crazy see-saw screaming my head off.
There have been days where I have gone out in public without brushing or washing my hair (and let’s be honest, my face); Emma’s lunch box has been filled with packet stuff instead of those delicious baked goods I mentioned earlier; Andrew doesn’t even get his lunch made; there are dishes from the day before yesterday that haven’t been done and four possibly five days have gone by, and I haven’t returned my friend’s text to confirm a date to catch up, .
At the moment, I am winning on a few fronts. Since I started up again in February, my business is going really well and I have been given the opportunity to work on some great projects. This influx of work has meant that I have been up til 2.00am a night or so each week to meet client deadlines but all in all, I have got it covered.
My exercise regime is also going really well. I have been running a few mornings each week and doing Bootcamp training at least once a week. I feel so energised and motivated which has been great for my mind, body and my soul. I am in a really good place within myself.
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| What I get to see on my morning runs. Don’t worry Dad, I am not on my own! |
With all that is happening at the moment, one thing I do know for certain is that my girls are always at the top of my list and giving them the best of me is always my number one priority. No matter how overwhelmed I may be, I always have time for cuddles and lots of them!
But with all this great stuff that’s going on right now, there are other battles that I am truly losing. My mother will be horrified, but my house is currently not the cleanest it has ever been and is in desperate need of tidying and organising. My Tupperware cupboard is an abomination and the lids to everything are always so difficult to find. My ironing basket is overflowing and my wardrobe needs to be cleaned out. My office is a shambles – I have no where to put my elbows, my filing tray is overflowing and there is paperwork strewn all over my desk that just needs to go somewhere. If I move my mouse too much, something falls off the desk. I could go on and on here but you get the drift. On the home front, I am in a state of overwhelm which freaks me out quite a lot but there is time over the coming days to make a few dents in my to do list which excites me greatly.
I also haven’t spent much time with Andrew lately. We have been busy working on our respective businesses and we have both had our own separate social events to go to. I am really looking forward to spending some time with him this weekend.
With all the work I have been doing for my clients, I have had to let my blog go by the wayside which came at such a strange time because in February, if you read my last post, I was feeling so inspired to grow and develop my blog into something more. I have also needed to clear my mind recently and now that I have done that, I am feeling more interested and keen to get writing again.
Even though I might be hanging upside down right now, I know that I will soon be the right way up again – for at least a little while. Wanting to have and be everything comes at a price but when I make things work and get to have the great experiences I strive for each week, I am reminded why I am doing this and I just know it’s worthwhile. 🙂
A few days ago, a reader made this comment on one of my blog posts:
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